feelings.

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Assalamualaikum god creatures :) how's your day today? mine was extremely tiring. by the way, let's do malanglish. biasalah kan, dengan sukan tahunan and my study yang not so good tuh. ya allah, just God knows how risky my study is. banyak subject yang hanyut tak faham. then ada anasir-anasir luar yang datang mengganggu. so tak fokus. gila gila menyesal masa form 2 belajar main main :( aahh its okay, still have time, kott. i need to push myself to work hard for my own sake. hell yeahh :D *i feel like wanna cry

okay, lets cut to the chase, i just wanna share with you about my feelings. yes again, about my feelings. whoaa, nothing serious anyway :( hum, i just don't know how to do fake smile. it hurts! and i can't hide all my thousands millions trillions tears. that was so not me! i am realistic, that's me :( today, ada seorang budak perempuan came to me and asked me about him. ohmaigod, all i know was covering my face and say, alaaaa jangan tanya pasal benda tu lagi boleh takkk, hahahahaha i laugh but i cry insideee -.- darn feelings! hey heart, your duty is just pumping the blood all over my body, not to feel all this kind of feelings! busybody

i didn't mad at her. but i feel a little disappointed on his response when that girl ask the reason why we broke up to him. he just said, saja jehh. for god sake, is that an answer? do i deserve the answer? after telling his sorry and all his promises back then. ouh shits happen again i just don't get it. i need an explanation for that.but husna's said maybe dia malas nak layan budak tu kot. ohyaa? so now he's being so secretive. what the heck was that? i hate my feelings right now. i hate the word HOPE

when i said i am over him , what i really meant was i still pray for him to love me and be with me again. i never get into any relationship this obsess and addict. i cry myself to sleep almost every night while thinking about what we had, what we could've had and what i want us to in the future. i still think of him 24/7. im still in love with him, im still in pain. i still want him & i still love him in everything that i have and everything that i am. when someone tell me that he does not deserve me, i still answer yes, he does. and i even sometimes say i didn't deserve him, and that's why he left. even though i know it was not right. im still jealous of the girl he's now in love with, jika ada and i still wish it was me. and i am so not over him. i failed i slipped and hurt myself :(

i am a fool and i know it, good night :')