speak up little heart

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Assalamualaikum & annyeong fellas :)

we meet again :D i am so not in mood. don't ask why. i feel my mum keeps pushing me to enter the boarding school just like my sister when we 16 years old. boarding school? oh my god, that little thing was the biggest thing ever in my life. i a have to done my laundry by myself. no shopping. no tv. no lappy. no chocolates candies foods like at home. its all about independent. can people brat lack confidence no goals in life can live her life there? when i saw what my sister have been through in boarding school she seems like i am very happy there. friends teachers were just like families. she didn't cry like other people who entered boarding school. boarding school, isn't tough? shits always happen there. without truly parental guide. i am so not going there -.- please mama? but boarding school was my mums dream. there i can a better future. easy to find job and so on. easy to say there is negative & positive sides. what should i do? even i never think about my future. i don't know what job i want to apply. what school college university or something i would like to attend. i never plan anything in my life. they just come to me and i face it. sometimes i feel i wanna give up when i aged fifteen. everything turns wrong. even the small matter i feel like wooaah it was so big to face up. now i try i want i craving to be the strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst. be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything, be that independent girl who didn't need a man & be that girl who never backed down. i want all this things in me. but how :(

i need other help to make it through the worst. i can't be the fearless girl because i need people stand by me holding my hand and make me feel secure. i would not dare to do anything because i don't want people know my flaws. being independent who didn't need a man? that so not me. i need my grandpa. i need my sweet tooth & i need P. backed down? that's my favorite thing to do when i lost my strength.

many people hates me for what i am, for what i am doing. i can't even understand. am i wrong to be the real me. am i wrong showing who is me to the world. fake was bitch stuff. but i won't let that bastards get me down. sometimes i smile and act like nothing is wrong. it hurts so much till i cry myself to sleep at night and wake up with a smile on my face. am i strong enough? dear God, please God, make me strong to face your challenges. nevertheless beneath the make up & behind my smile, i am just a girl who wishes for my own world just like you :) life must go on so move on and enjoy. each second is worth if you play good. each second could be trash if you play rash. your life your choice. fight for what is right ;)

by the way, i am worried about the government exams. what the hell was that --'' form 123 subjects. mix like rojak. how i am gonna answer all of them. i want flying colors result. i feel like wanna dieeeeeeeeee. no no no! please exams, not now! ouh i am the real sober. damn it :3 you laugh at me? i know because i am different. so lemme throw you my biggest laugh because you are all the same to me. remember, odd means special :D

cut all the craps. this 30 march my gikwang birthday. u've gone old oppa. wish you a blasted birthday even you don't read this rubbish. but as a fan i meant it with all my love :) HAHA good night guys. bounjor :D